There are still four days left on October, but I figured I would go ahead and get put my thoughts on Blooktober out there, since today is the due date of the book proposal contest that I was entered into.
I slowly started to accept over the past week that I was not going to be a contest participant, even though I wrote at least two posts about my determination to do so. I guess I could be slightly embarrassed since I said I would but now I am not, but more than anything I just feel relieved.
The book proposal pretty much just hung over my head for the entire month of October. Perhaps I should have just gone with my instinct to not pursue it when I was reconsidering at the end of September. Then again, I might be disappointed in myself for giving up back then if I hadn’t even tried.
Anyway, most of the weekends in October I tried to work on my blog first, then get other things done, and usually didn’t make time to work on the book proposal. Ever since the writing conference last spring, I have been thinking about what one of the speakers said towards the end of the conference about what a small percentage of the people given this opportunity would actually follow through and submit something. I didn’t want to be one of his statistics.
But that is not enough motivation to write a book. I also remember what Wayne Dyer said. His advice was much more simple. He said to really live the life you want to write about. If you want to help other people improve their lives in some way, you have to first really live that way before you can write a book about it.
As I was driving today, I finally realized and accepted that this is not the right time for me to write the book I want to write. I am probably living my life the way I want to write about twenty-five percent of the time. I have definitely made progress, but need more time to continue to make the positive changes in my own life that I want to help other people make.
I am also enjoying the time I get to spend on my blog. Looking back, it was probably too much to expect of myself to blog everyday and write a book proposal on top of working full time and trying to just live my life. I honestly didn’t work on it everyday. More like five days out of the whole month.
But I am not devastated about it. I am pretty proud of myself for deciding to do Blogtober, and coming up with new ideas to share on most days. Blogtober has felt more fun than Blogust did, probably because I have at least gotten the design of my blog up to a shareable place, and have started to come out of my shell and share my ideas through writing.
Going forward, I plan to focus my writing efforts on just my blog for a while. Over the past couple of days I have decided not to even sign up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), which occurs annually in November, this year. I already know how it will end, and I would rather just enjoy November working on my blog. I can decide to write a young adult fiction novel in a month some other time, or maybe I will get to take a few months or a year in the future. Or, maybe I am not meant to be a young adult author. But I would like to at least give myself the chance to find out.
I guess sometimes big dreams don’t come on our terms, but they can turn into other things that are different but just as good or better. I will still keep my affirmations and dreams focused on what I would like to see in my life, but I always try to remember that I am unattached to the outcome. Having a goal or a dream is a great thing, but being able to let it go to become what it will that might be even better is just as important. Namaste.
image credit: FlowerRoad