I Am Not Getting a Sabbatical Anytime Soon, & I Have to Accept That

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“Fall down seven times, get up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

I remember when I was younger thinking that older people who took sabbaticals were really boring. Ha! What I wouldn’t give for a sabbatical!

I have dreamed of taking a sabbatical for years now. I’m not even really sure what the official sabbatical duration is, but I am guessing it’s at least a few months. I actually took my own mini-sabbatical this past January.

I loved it. I loved every second of it. I took a nice long walk almost every day, I woke up early just because I was excited to have the whole day to do whatever I wanted, and I did yoga and meditated almost everyday. During the day I got to spend time reading and writing, and had the time to take care of the house and get things done. And felt relaxed!

Yesterday, I fell slightly ill and ended up sleeping for pretty much the whole day. Mostly feeling depressed about all of my nagging tasks and wondering how I would ever get them all done. Hence the first Blogust fail.

Why I Want a Sabbatical

I want to feel like I have time to write my book, make my blog a success, take walks, do yoga, meditate, and take care of all of my personal tasks (including planning a wedding). Not to mention crocheting. I love to crochet! When does a working girl have time to crochet? I would like to know? There are winter hats to be made, people!

Why I Will Not Be Getting a Sabbatical (in the immediate future)

Um, because I have a job, that I have to do. That’s just the way it is. Next topic please.

Why I Have to Stop Wanting a Sabbatical (like, tomorrow)

It’s depressing. Dreaming about luxurious days of reading and writing, walking, yoga-ing, meditating, and crocheting. And having everything done. It’s making me depressed, so it’s gotta go.

Why I Don’t Need a Sabbatical

Sigh. Ok, I guess I don’t really NEED a sabbatical to be happy…I suppose. To get myself back in sunnier spirits, I started You Tubing videos about getting things done. I was looking for the inspiration I need to get on top of my task list that is kind of exploding, particularly the wedding planning tasks that are hovering over me like a dark cloud every day that I don’t do something about them.

I watched a video by Robin Sharma, and one by David Allen, the world-renowned expert on getting things done (because the title of his book says so). I was looking for some shiny gem of inspiration that would pull me up off the bed and get me past the tasks of dirty dishes and floors that need to be vacuumed, and onto calling wedding planners, writing, redesigning my blog, and making decisions about plane tickets, among many other things (like labeling spice jars, for one).

I have to ask: how do people do it? How do people do life? I don’t have kids, and I can’t even imagine life with them buried beneath all this stuff that I want to emerge from. Not that I don’t want kids, but I know that I am in a whole other category of people that don’t even have the kid-associated tasks to deal with.

But still, there’s got to be other people out there like me: no kids, but a full time job, a house to take care of, big dreams to fulfill, and a wedding to plan (or something like that), feeling totally overwhelmed by it all.

I know I sound complain-y. I am just being honest. This is how I feel. I am not sure how I will get it all done. Cue nervous breakdown!

What I Do Need? A Plan.

Something, or multiple somethings, isn’t working. I can’t take the feeling of being buried by my task lists. I am sure it is not healthy.

So, I have these wonderful Reminders and Rituals lists. Right now, my Reminders List has 33 items on it. But I don’t think that is really everything. Or at least it can’t be quantified by that number of tasks. For all I know, that could represent 100 hours. No clue.

Sometimes I feel like I have tried it all. All the productivity and manifesting tricks in the book, but still, nothing. There is a pile of stuff to my right that I have been toting around the house for the past week, a sink full of dirty dishes, several dirty bathrooms, a disaster area laundry room, dirty floors, multiple email inboxes, dinner to make, a book to write, and, and, and…

Sigh.

So now what? I did Day 1 of the Oprah and Deepak 21-Day Meditation Experience today (one day late). While soaking in the tub, because I needed a pick-me-up and only had an hour. Deepak said that happiness isn’t something to be earned. It is something that we had inside of us all along.

I substituted the word “happiness” for “inner peace”. That is all I want from getting everything done. I want to stop receiving reminders from other people of what I haven’t yet done, in the form of questions or forwarded emails. I want to just be on top of my stuff, and living my dreams already. I want to just be.

Well, according to Deepak that is not something I, or any of us, has to wait for. It is already there, waiting for us to recognize it.

I am sure I don’t have the most out of control task list in America, although I often feel like I do. I don’t know what plan to follow other than do something, then another something, and another. And not hate it. While holding my vision for my life at the forefront of my mind, doing what I know is on that path.

I still don’t have a guarantee that I will get up and start doing stuff, rather than lay back down and stay under the covers for the maximum time possible.

But I have a choice.

So I am going to follow the advice of David Allen, and once again recapture everything that needs to be done in one place. I can fall down, but as long as I get up and keep going, I will do okay. Namaste!

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